Well since I realized that this has become a bit of a diary, I realized how annoying I find that. Because well, more people read this than I was aware of. (See what good gossipy information can do for you and your blog?) If I were however many of you that read this (See now I have no clue as to who reads this…) I’d be annoyed at my posting of my day. And now that my one slightly interesting aspect of my life has been dealt with, I have nothing insightful to write. But oh wait! Here’s Lundy with a wonderful question: “What’s your thoughts on friends? Distinguishing between acquaintances, best friends, and stuff.” Thank you Lundy for saving my blog. However what I’m about to say has nothing to do with that. Well, if you thought about it in a disconnected sort of way, like how I do with everything, then it would be related, kind of. Not to put Calvin on the spot (again), but yeah, I’m using you for a piece of my blog… again.
When we try to be nice to people, how much of what we say is really true? How many of the compliments that you give, are heartfelt? Have you actually thought about what you’re complimenting them on, or did you have to stop and think, and “come up” with these things you are saying to them? Now not to discredit the incredibly nice things Calvin said, I don’t want everyone thinking that, but it just made me think. How often have you thought, “What an incredibly swell example of a decent human being” and then proceeded to inform that person of what you thought? I try to do that; granted, it’s petty things like “I really love that color on you” or “Leah Burnett you’re so adorable”, but I immediately think it, and then say it. It’s not manufactured. Now I don’t do this as often as I should, but I’m going to make it my goal to do so on a daily basis. You should too. Just because. What I say doesn’t really matter, and there’s no way for me to know if you do this or not, and even if I did, I can’t enforce it or punish you or anything like that. But what’s that whip cream commercial? Spread a little love. And the way that this statement relates to the “definition of a friend” bit is; what would a “real” (real by your definition) friend say to you? Calvin, I’m not going to lie, I’m not use to people being that nice to me outright. Not to say, “Woe is me, no one is nice to me.” But I have just never noticed someone going out of their way to be that decent to me. Completely exceeded my expectations. So here’s my question for all of you, what does a real friend say? Sometimes, we all have the incapability of realizing the best in ourselves, or even believing someone when they point them out. That’s probably one of my biggest flaws, is not realizing my abilities, and not believing someone when they tell me. I scoff and think they’re just being polite, and I put little merit to what they’re saying. This goes with me trying to build a better self-esteem for myself. I may sound conceited in the process, but I still doubt enough people read this to judge me greatly enough for me to stop doing this.
Now to answer Lundy’s question. I used to have this issue, I had a new “best friend” every year for about three or four years. Now best friend is in quotes because at the time that’s what I considered them, but looking back now, I’m not so sure and need to reevaluate what I would consider a best friend. I would grow (what I thought was) really close to someone, spend my time with them constantly, but then the cards didn’t work in our favor and we fell out of that deep friendship within a year. This happened consistently from about seventh grade till maybe junior year. So roughly a little more than four years, because it happened to me again this year. I can’t seem to find a “life friend”, someone who can tolerate me for more than a year. For me, a best friend is someone who can just listen to me, and offer good support. Someone who can teach me new things, offer new insights to certain situations, and keep me from becoming the out-of-control anger freak I’ve been known to be. Michael was a great friend for the longest time, even though I called him a bad friend. And I only say “was a great friend” because even though he’s still an amazing and huge part of my life, I’ve learned to live with the space between us. He made me humble, and gave me more credit than I deserved, and just made me want to be a better person. I changed much of who I was because of him. Granted I was in-love with him for the better part of two or three years, but those feelings grew out of our friendship and of how he made me feel not only about myself, but about the world around me, and who I really was as a human being and a contributor to society. And to me, that’s what a best friend is. But that’s just for me personally, and who I need around me to keep me from going insane. In all honesty, I don’t know if I can really define what I think a best friend, acquaintance, etc is. For me, personally, I kind of have no idea. At one point or another everyone blends together and becomes a very important part of my life. On a side note: I mentioned how I’ve come to live with the space between Michael and I now. It’s another thing he’s taught me, inadvertently of course. I used to constantly reject change, and I’d work so hard to keep the status quo and make sure things stayed the way they were, because I was afraid of it. If someone liked me as a person, for who I was, then I didn’t want that to change and have them suddenly hate me. But in the process of trying to preserve the way things were, I came across as pushy, in your face, and a jerk. I got a horrible reputation for it. Yes, embrace who you are. But if you don’t like who you are, then chances are no one else will. Like you for you, and if you don’t, change it so you do like yourself. Confidence can do wonders for your health. Wonders. The times, they are a’changing. And the people are changing with them. So embrace it, and adapt for yourself accordingly.
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