That it felt like this, we were never told...

Well. I now know why my grandmother chose TODAY to take me shopping and whatnot. So I could be distracted from all of the pictures and texts I’ve been getting from my family that are of Chris and about Chris and what a wonderful goddamn time they’re having without me. Dammit. I was okay with just being bitter about it. I was okay with ignoring how it actually physically hurts me that I’m not in Oklahoma right now. And then I get the picture of him in his uniform. And then the waves of tears hit me. This. Is not. Cool. I miss him. Yeah that’s lame sounding, but he’s my brother. My only brother. And everyone in my family, sans myself, is there with him. And my sister had the gall to say that me going to dinner on Saturday with my godparents and my grandparents isn’t fair. Not only that, she had the gall to say it in front of me, actually she was sitting right next to me. At dinner. To my whole family she declared this. I just turned and looked at her and said very quitely, but very forcefully, “You want to talk about unfair?” She just looked at me with the look of “Oh shit what did I just say?” as my parents and grandparents all at the same moment said, “Melissa. Shut up. Now.”


On a different and more upbeat note, mainly because I’m sick of being sad and feeling sorry for myself, I have a date for Prom. Win. I’m actually really excited now. I actually need a dress now. Good thing I’m going shopping today anyway.


I want to see Water for Elephants really badly.


I also want to do something really fun this Spring Break. I won’t, but I still want to.


I also want you to see me as I am. Maybe I just want you.