Music

Sometimes I can’t even figure out what it is I’m feeling, or even how I want to express it. Which freaks me out because I’m a control freak and cannot handle not being in control of my own thoughts and feelings. But music, music helps me bypass the hesitation and total shutdown that would commence because I don’t know how I feel, or why. Music lets me relax, and just emphasizes the feelings I have to a new level, a more apparent level, so I can fully face them and figure out what’s going on in my own mind, in my own spirit. Or I can just ignore them and love the music and how it greatly influences my mood.

Killing Me Softly With His Song = Want. Desire. Pain. Devotion. Passion.

I Miss You = Sorrow. Love. Want. Passion.

I haven’t heard those songs in forever, then Pandora decides to play them, I belt along, and suddenly I feel better. I feel in control again. I know what I feel. I want passion. I have an intense desire, craving even, for love. Passion. Devotion. I have sorrow in the recognition of the fact that I, and I alone, am keeping myself from obtaining these things. That empty, missing feeling is back. It’s not angst or depression, but just emptiness I wish to fill with the reciprocated love of another. And maybe one day I will. Maybe tomorrow I will. Maybe next week, or the week after, even. Maybe one day I’ll forget all about it and grow up to be an old, bitter spinster. I just feel I need the comforting knowledge that there is someone there for me, and me alone, who will love me as compassionately and as wholly as I love him, and I feel that knowledge will bring me peace. Ease my worried heart… maybe one day.