Ever since I’ve decided to stop being completely rude (which is like two days ago) I’ve already seen some dramatic changes in my life. I’m less annoyed with people, and I feel less hatred within me.
I’ve also been working really hard on working out the kinks in my faith. I’ve struggled with my faith and religion ever since I can remember. But I was in Mass on Sunday, and I kind of had this opening of my heart moment. My biggest issue with believing in Christ was putting that much trust in someone I could not be sure of was there. That and I got extremely agitated by people who attacked other people because if their faith or lack thereof, in the name of God. I would always think, “Isn’t God supposed to love everyone? What kind of god would support his ‘people’ treating their fellow man like that?” and then, I guess God finally answered my questions/prayers and sent me a few signals. The first was a friend of mine’s blog a few days ago. And it had a picture of awful people holding signs saying terrible things like “God hates faggots. God punishes gays.” etc. And beneath it she put, “Reblog if this is NOT your God.” that made me think, and it also made me happy that I wasn’t alone in my belief that if there was a God, they loved everyone. The second was Mass on Saturday. First of all there were these two adorable little kids, a brother and a sister, with their parents. And the brother was maybe four or five and was restless the whole time. And the sister was maybe nine or ten, and she was so cute trying to pay attention the whole time and was fascinated when Father Eric gave the ushers their bread and wine. And then they were both really interested in the mural of Christ and his Apostles that is on the back wall. And it just made me happy to see to sweet kids that interested in their faith. And then the Gospel was Matthew 7:21-23. And THAT really spoke to me. And then, when we were praying for the different things for the church, one of them was to pray for the youth who are lost in their faith, to help them find it through the love of Christ. And I swear on the grave of my grandfather, that the light coming in from the stained glass windows above shined directly on me, and was so bright I had to cover my eyes with my hand. And I felt this warm happy presence inside of me and thought, “This is it. This is my sign that He really cares about me.” And I cried right then and there. And so with that, my new faith, and (hopefully) my walk with Christ in my life begins.
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